Do you know that song "Nuclear War" by Yo La Tengo? A BBQ Tofu Contest with me would be like that. At the end of it all, you could kiss your ass goodbye goodbye.
But this isn't about contests, is it? Now that we've affirmed the true victor, it certainly isn't. You all can make your own, less worthy bbq tofu as well. I got mine from a jar in our basement, but I had to check the ingredients first because bbq sauce isn't always vegan. It would've been tastier, though, had I made my own. If you want to DIY, just add about equal portions of molasses, vinegar (I'd go for brown rice, but apple cider would be fine too), tomato paste (maybe a little more of it than the other things), agave nectar or brown sugar... and flavor it up with some fresh herbs, garlic, salt, and a bit o' cayenne peppah.
Mmmm... globs of bbq sauce.... I feel like Homer Simpson!
I blanched some tofu, cubed it up, threw it in a bag with my bbq marinade, then let it sit for a while. I'd think at least an hour up to overnight. Then, take your tofu out of the marinade and toss it with some corn starch. Corn starch makes the outside crispy when you fry it. I'm sure that there are other, possiblly better things to do, but that's my old stand-by. I just pan fried mine until it was kind of charred. Serve it alongside a nice whole grain and a side of garlicy greens.
Too close for comfort?